Thirty Two Years
by Aki Kochou
Summary: Edward sticks to his decision to keep Bella human and he watches her until she dies. Then he's given a once in the lifetime opportunity: To do it all over again.


Summary: Edward holds to his decision to make Bella live a human life. He's then give a once in the lifetime opportunity: to do it all over again.

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_Year Eighteen  
-------------------------_

"No Bella, I won't!" She looked at me with hurt shining in her eyes. I knew I was being a bit harsh for having just returned from my 6 month away.

"Why though?! It's my choice! It's my life!" It was convincing, it was true. It _was_ her life. But she was too young. It was like a twelve year old committing suicide because they hadn't found their significant other yet. They just needed time, because life hadn't even started. Bella's life hadn't really even started yet. Come fifteen years from now, she would realize this and probably berate herself for being too hasty. But of course, she wanted it now. Yes, I understood that she wanted to look my age, to appear like a regular couple, to be my equal, but it wasn't necessary. I would love her no matter how old she was or appeared to be. And that's why I would stand firm. If I changed her, she would eventually regret it. To live, to die: it was every mortal's destiny.

"Because you're too young, Bella! I may be in the body of a seventeen year old, as the rest of my family, but we were only changed because we were dying! I love you, Bella, more than life itself, but we're not going to change someone when they've got a full life ahead of them! **I'm** not going to change you when you have another option before this damned existance!" I had to contain myself from yelling. Regardless, Bella reacted like I had yelled at yer. Her eyes darkened and then narrowed, and an emotion that I couldn't place entered them.

"Do you want to know what a damned existance is? **You** put through me through one when you left for 'my own good'. And fat load of good it did considering that Laurent nearly killed me and the werewolves are the ones who saved me from him and kept Victoria away from me!" Bella quickly stood up and strode from the room, with far more grace than I had ever imagined from her. I stared in shock.

Laurent nearly killed her? Werewolves saved her?  
Victoria was after her? The _werewolves_ kept the redhead away from Bella?!

"Bella!" I yelled out and quickly followed Bella's scent to find her.

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Year Twenty  
------------------

Bella was chatting with Alice as Alice ran a brush through Bella's beautifully brown hair. We were in New York on summer break from Harvard. It was the end of our freshman year. I was a political science major; Rosalie, a women's studies major; Emmett, an electronic engineering major; Jasper, a sociology major; Alice, a fashion design major; and Bella, a mythology and folklore major. It wasn't what I had expected, but since when did my Bella do what I expected?

Alice paused and tensed up, and in response, I paused as well, watching her mind. She was about to have a vision.

_Bella was at an intersection. She looked both ways. Left. Right. Left again. The crosswalk light turned to Walk. Seeing no cars, she walked across the street. Halfway across, there was a loud screeching sound and Bella's head snapped to the left. A truck turned the corner, going far faster than any vehicle should be going and then ran the light and then hit-! _

I was snapped out of it when the vision ended. There was no chance. If Bella did get hit by that truck, then there was no way she would survive. No human would be able to.

"Edward! Alice!" Bella's voice.

She's alive.  
She's fine.  
We'll keep her safe.  
We'll keep that vision from happening.

I smiled softly at Bella, forcing that smile onto my face.

"Don't worry love, just a vision," I said as soothingly as I could, taking Bella's left hand and kissing the rings on her ring finger.

It was later on when Alice, Bella and I were heading out to go to the theatre. Alice and I crossed the street without a second thought but Bella wasn't quite so certain. She hesitated, not nearly as used to crossing busy New York streets as we were. A car quickly drove behind us, splitting us up from Bella.

All of a sudden, I recognized the scene. Alice's vision.

Bella glanced both ways before stepping out into the crosswalk. The truck came screeching around the corner and my eyes widened. I leaped forward, much faster than the truck, and pulled Bella off the crosswalk and back to the sidewalk.

"Are you alright?!" I asked, looking into her stunned and widened eyes.

"Yeah...." She whispered.

I had saved her.  
My wife...

------------------------  
Year Twenty-Two  
------------------------

"We have to do this...people are getting too suspicious as to why Bella's aging and you're not Edward," Carlisle told me. The family was sitting in the living room in our house in Forks. Bella was sitting next to me, her head resting on my shoulder, my arm wrapped around her waist. I sighed and nodded.

"Yes...I suppose you're right," I didn't want to...I rather liked being able to go out into public with Bella. But it was getting increasingly odd for the people who knew Bella that she was growing older and I wasn't.

"What will we do?" Bella finally spoke up. She had changed over the years. She hardly pestered me these days, especially about changing her. The last time she had inquired about it was two years ago after the New York fiasco. In a way, I missed it. It was a sign of the strong willed Bella that I had fallen in love with. I still loved her of course. But I was afraid. My one fear was that I was being too constricting and in the process, destroying her love of life.

"I'm not sure...there are many options..." Carlisle stated, a thoughtful look in his eyes. I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

"I have an idea!" Bella lifted up her head from my shoulder and grinned, a sparkle in her eyes. I felt myself smiling in response. I hadn't killed her spirit, at least not yet. Thank god.

"What is it, love?" She looked up and saw the love in my eyes.

"We'll be on a trip to say, Europe and the plane has a malfunction and crashes into the ocean," I looked wary, and I saw the same look reflected in Carlisle's eyes.

"Are you suggesting that we 'kill' you too?" Thankfully it was Carlisle who said this. Bella's eyes turned into a glare, thankfully directed towards Carlisle and not me.

"Yes," She said simply. "It's not like I could ever live without Edward anyways," Rosalie rolled her eyes.

_And they call __**me**__ a drama queen!_ I hissed at her too low for Bella to hear, but Rosalie just rolled her eyes.

"Alright..." My head snapped towards Carlisle.

"What?!"

_Would you make her go through the pain of arranging your funeral without you? Just the concept of you dying would be hard enough on her, but to follow through on it, regardless of whether you're alive or dead would be hard enough. Plus, would you really make her a widow at 22? She's an adult Edward, it's her choice. _

She's an adult. I never would be; frozen at 17 eternally.  
It's her choice.  
It's _her_ choice.

"Fine."

--------------------------  
Year Twenty-Four  
--------------------------

"We need to leave...we've lived here long enough that people are a little too curious about us," We all nodded. We knew that this was coming soon.

"Bella, if you want to get your own place and stay here, or go with us, it's up to you. We would gladly have you with us," Carlisle offered politely. He just wanted to make sure that Bella was happy with us, a family that didn't grow old while she did.

"I'll come with you if don't mind," Bella stated calmly, sitting on the couch, one leg crossed over the other, giving off an air of confidence. I paused but then nodded. Bella knew the consequences and she didn't need me insulting her intelligence by pointing them out. She had graduated college (from a different college, mind you) last year, after all.

"We'll head to Ithaca...it's quite cloudy there..."

"And it's not that far from NYC!" Alice happily exclaimed, bouncing in her seat.

"Only with your driving, Alice...." Bella remarked and I chuckled.

"Then it's settled!"

------------------------  
Year Twenty-Six  
------------------------

"Hey baby! Wanna dance? I'll show you some REAL moves...." The disgusting man suggestingly asked my Bella. I glared at him and his awful thoughts.

_Damn, she's hot! Wonder what she would look like on my...._ He started playing an X rated movie in his head about certain events that should only occur between a man and his wife.

"I don't think so," Bella's beautiful voice was firm in her decision.

"Come on, baby, your brother will be fine without you!"

Brother.

That's right....she was 9 years older than me now...

"As I said, no thanks," Bella turned and started to walk out of the dance club that Alice had dragged us to.

_Why, I'll-!_

I grabbed the man's hand as he reached to grab Bella's shoulder.

"She said no!" I threw his hand back harshly, perhaps a bit too hard, causing the man to stumble back.

"What the hell is your problem, kid?! Let your sis make her own decisions!" Nevertheless, he turned away, thinking of ways to get Bella alone later.

I walked up to Bella and she glanced at me, and kissed my cheek.

"Thank you, Edward..."

"You're welcome, love"

---------------------------  
Year Twenty- Eight  
---------------------------

"Thank you doctor..." Her voice was soft from shock. I wasn't much better.

"I'll give you time to think about it, but the longer you wait, the worse your chances..." Bella took a deep breath.

"I'll do the surgery..." Doctor Johnson, an oncologist, watched sadly.

"You're aware then, that by removing the ovaries, you'll be unable to have children..." Bella nodded and I was so proud of her. Cancer, no matter what type, was horrifying. And the fact that she had ovarian cancer and yet she was handling it so well...She was so brave...

"Yes...I do know...assuming the surgery goes well, what else will I have to worry about?" I listened as the doctor talked about how even after the surgery, she would be undergoing radiation to make sure that all of the tumor cells were destroyed, perhaps even chemotherapy. But most of all, she now had an increased risk for other cancers, like breast cancer.

"That's fine...let's do it..."

That's my Bella...

------------------  
Year Thirty  
------------------

The surgery went well...perhaps too well. She was in remission from her ovarian cancer. But now we had an even bigger, more deadly problem. Doctor Johnson had warned us of this, but we had hoped...prayed....that it wouldn't happen. But it has.

"Oh Bella...." I sighed softly. Bella sighed as well, and then wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into a soft, loving hug.

We were at home, the family had left us alone to talk. I finally spoke what had been on my mind since her first brush with cancer.

"If...you still want it...I'll change you..." Bella raised an eyebrow, her eyes alight with humor.

Humor?

"And to think it only took me getting diagnosed with breast cancer for you to finally offer!" She laughed lightly. I shook slightly with frustration.

"This isn't funny, Bella!" She sobered and then nodded.

"Yes, I suppose it's not. But...I choose no." I stared at her in shock. This was what she had wanted for years but now she didn't?

Why?

"It's what I wanted when I was younger, Edward. I don't want everyone mistaking me for your sister or mother when we're married. Plus...I'm still not in great shape from the chemotherapy..." It was true. Bella's hair was still growing back. It was about three inches long and it was a bit odd to see Bella's hair even shorter than Alice's. Bella continued though,

"You wanted me to live and to die, Edward. You took that choice away from me. So I'll die, whether it's now or twenty years from now..." I felt terrible. I really did.

"I'm sorry...I really am...do you hate me for that...? I wouldn't blame you if you did..." Bella just laughed again.

"No, silly vampire...I don't hate you...how could I ever hate you for doing what you thought was right?"

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you,"

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Year Thirty-Two  
-------------------------

She was weak. So very very weak. She was laying down on her bed, her skin pale. She was thin, much thinner than what was healthy to be. Her face was sunken and there were dark rims under her eyes.

Her heartbeat was slow and we each knew what was coming. We knew it was going to be happening very soon. She was dying.

"Edward..." Her voice was soft. So soft that if I hadn't been a vampire, I probably wouldn't have heard it.

"I'm here, love..." I very gently took her hand in mine. She was far more fragile than she ever normally was.

"I love you..." She whispered, her beautiful, tired brown eyes bearing straight into my own topaz eyes. I smiled at her reassuringly.

"I love you too..." I murmured. Her heartbeat faltered and I knew, as she did that she was fading very fast now. I would remember this forever....I would remember _her_ forever.

"Don't....do anything stupid...like...go to Italy..." Damn it. There goes that plan. How did she always know? I sighed and nodded.

"Of course..." She smiled, knowing that I would respect her wishes. Her hand lifted and though it was shaking badly, she touched my cheek. I took her hand with my own, holding it there, my eyes fluttering closed.

"Kiss me..." I pulled her hand away from my cheek and held it in my hand gently while leaning forward and gently kissing her on the lips. Her heart faltered again. I memorized the feel of her lips, every line and crevice. The warmth of her lips. Her eyes that fluttered closed.

I love her.  
I will always love her.

"I will always love you..." I murmured when I finally pulled away from her. She smiled at me.

"I know...I will always love you too..." Her eyes fluttered closed and her hand dropped from my grasp.

_Tha-Thump! Tha-Thump! Tha-Thump!_

"Good night my love..." I whispered gently tracing her cheeks.

_Tha-Thump! Tha-....._

Silence.

Was it over...?  
Could it really be over...?  
How...?

Somehow, I was numb.

Why...?

My love...  
My heart...  
My soul...

Gone...?  
Why...?

Suddenly, the numbness shattered and all I was aware of was pain. Heart stopping, terrible pain. It slashed at my dead heart, the pain of it almost as bad as the pain I had felt during my change.

"BELLA!!" I screamed, clutching her still frame to my body.

Carlisle, Alice and Jasper quickly came into the room. Carlisle had sorrow shining in his eyes. For both Bella and I.

"Edward..." _It's over..._ His thoughts finished.

"No...." I whispered, Carlisle could barely hear me.

_She's in a better place, now, Edward....she's not in pain anymore...._ He continued non-verbally.

"NO!" I screamed, sobbing hysterically. I wished so desperately that I could cry. I wished the pain could go away. Suddenly, I felt a calm settle over me, trying to dampen the pain. I quickly shook it off, quickly filling with rage.

"Let me feel my own damn emotions, Jasper!" I snarled at him. He took a step back from my hostility and anger. The calm broke and the pain rushed back to me.

"Let's give him a few moments...." Alice murmured and then stepped out of the room, followed quickly by Jasper.

_Things will be alright, Edward..._ Carlisle said to me.

"I don't see how they ever could...." Carlisle stepped out of the room as well.

I regretted so many things.

Most of all, I wished I had never refused Bella so many years ago. It was so easy to say "Oh it's what you're supposed to do". I had thought that it would be easy to watch her die, but it hadn't. It had been far more agonizing that I had ever thought possible. Watching her fade, watching her become more and more tired with each passing day. Seeing the pain that she had been in.

How did I ever think that I could live without her by my side? How could I have ever thought that a human life was what she needed? I had controlled her, told her what to do, how to do it, and yet she stayed with me. She still loved me! Why? Why,why,why,why?

I would do anything for her.

If only I could change back time....I would give into her in an instant. I would do whatever she wanted of me for eternity. I would kneel at her feet and kiss the hems of her clothes if she wanted me to. I would worship her as a goddess, because she is my goddess. And I cannot live without my goddess. I cannot live without my soul.

The pain increased in my heart until it was almost a physical pain.  
No...it _was_ a physical pain.  
Unbearable...  
Torture...  
The change all over again...  
Then mercifully, thankfully, my world went black.  
-----------------

**My eyes opened as if I had just woken from a sleep, which I hadn't done in over a hundred years. How strange...**

**"I know you're awake..." A voice that sounded remarkably like my own resounded through what must have been an empty space. The voice echoed slightly. My focus was instantly on the other in this space.**

**The space itself was dark, a black space. A spot light seemed to be shining on me, which was enough to make me wary. I couldn't see anything else in the area, even with my vampiric sight. All I could see was black.**

**"Who's there?!" I demanded. There was soft laughter and all of a sudden, another spotlight clicked on.**

**It was me.**

**It was me from the bronze hair to the chiseled face and even to the very outfit I was wearing.**

**"What?! Who are you?!" The other laughed softly.**

**"Perhaps this wasn't the best form to appear in..." The other vanished for a moment before reappearing as....**

**"Bella...?" I whispered. The Not-Bella once again laughed.**

**"No...my name is Atropos...I am one of the Fates..." The Fates....Atropos....the cutter of thread....of life.**

**"Have you finally come to cut my thread?" I couldn't help but sound slightly enthusiastic about it. Without Bella, my life wasn't worth anything. Atropos simply laughed again.**

**"No, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen...I am not here to deliver you...I am here to give you a choice..." I blinked at that. A choice? What choice?**

**Atropos smiled at me, a smile filled with endless patience.**

**"Yes...a choice." A scroll appeared in her hand and she held it in front of her. "What you see in my hand is the life scroll of Isabelle Marie Swan. Before each soul comes to the world, they plan their life and write it in their life scroll. In their life scroll, they write the major events in their life, and also write in five gates in which they will exit the world.**

**"I was meant to cut Isabella's thread much earlier on, as dictated by her life scroll. Her second gate was meant to be her gate, as she indicated in her scroll. Her second gate...was the moment that she met her soul mate...you."**

**I cringed. The very thought of that day in Biology still sent shivers down my spine. Which was strange enough considering that I couldn't shiver. Then something clicked.**

**"I was **_**supposed**_** to kill her?!" My eyes were wide in horror. Atropos nodded, her eyes filled with humor.**

**"Yes...but it seems that Lachesis grew fond of little Bella and let her thread slip a little further. Clotho was quite annoyed as she was preparing to start a new thread for Bella..."**

**A new thread for Bella...? So she wouldn't be sent to the afterlife...Cut the thread and create a new one...**

**"She was supposed to be a vampire?!" Atropos nodded.**

**"Yes....it was in her life plan. And yet you changed it. It was only because she loved you that she subconsciously allowed it. If she had so much as taken one more step forward during your trip to New York ten years ago on that street, when you pushed her off the road, she would have hit her head on the sidewalk and you would have had to change her to save her.**

**"So now, we give you an option that we have not given anyone before. We will turn back time...and if you change her, her 'danger magnet' status will end. She will no longer attract danger to herself. You both will be happy. But this can only happen if you truly want this..." I nodded immediately but then paused.**

**"But...why are you doing this...?" I asked, hope in my heart. I could have Bella back! Atropos smiled again.**

**"We are in charge of keeping to each soul's life scroll. If we don't keep to it, we must make it so. However, if you don't turn her, then I will cut your thread myself and send your enemies to change her." Atropos' smile changed to a very intimidating glare. I couldn't help but believe her.**

**"Of course…" I sincerely didn't want to get on the Fates' bad sides. Atropos just laughed again. She seemed to do a lot of that.**

**"Yes, I suppose being on any of the Fates' bad sides would be a bad thing, wouldn't it? And young one, when you're as old as I, you find many things amusing, such as your reaction to everything. You think you know so much about humans and mortality in general, that when I give you a new concept, you look so startled! Like now!" She burst into a gale of hearty laughter at my shocked expression. She…she could read my mind!**

**"Yes, child, I can read your mind. I gave you one of my abilities when I cut your original thread," It was more than a bit disconcerting to have the Fate of death in Bella's form calling me a child.**

**"I am not your soul mate, but I have given you an offer…" I nodded immediately .**

**"Yes….I choose yes!" Atropos smiled at the enthusiasm in my voice.**

**"Good,"**

**Then everything faded to black again.  
------------------------------------**

"-choice! Edward, are you listening to me?!" I was snapped out of my suddenly blank mind to see Bella in front of me, glaring at me with those deep brown orbs, this time filled with anger. Quickly, so quick as that she would not see, I scanned down her body. She was young….probably just graduated high school…wait, what was she saying?

"My apologizes, love….repeat?" She stared at me quizzically and a bit wary too. Since when did anyone need to repeat anything to a vampire?

"I said, It's my choice! It's my life!" This was extremely familiar. Sending my mind back quickly and my perfect memory brought up the reason why. This was the exact conversation that we had had when I had come back 15 years ago.

Perfect.

I sighed loudly and ran my hand through my hair, making a bit of a show of thinking about my decision. I didn't really need to think about it though. Atropos had shown me what my life would be like if I didn't change Bella now.

"Well....?" Hope was beginning to shine in Bella's eyes. Mentally, I chuckled at Bella's excited stance. Her body was facing me, leaning a little bit forward, in an alert sort of way. Excitement glinted in her eyes. I was glad that no one else could read my mind.

"Fine," Bella gaped at me. As did Carlisle and the rest of the family. I couldn't blame them. For so long, I had been so opposed to the very idea of Bella's change. And now, I seemed to be doing a 180 on my opinion.

"On one condition..." Bella immediately drew back into herself, almost instantly wary.

"And that is....?" She questioned quietly. I smiled.

"At least graduate from high school...it would be too hard to change you before then...." Bella's eyes widened and then a grin slowly spread across her beautiful face. She leaped at me suddenly, and I quickly took a step back while catching her in my arms so that she didn't crash into a brick wall. I leaned down and breathed in her highly potent scent, which for so long had been so weak and just...different from the chemotherapy and the cancer.

This was Bella.  
She was alive.  
She was well.  
Thank you, God.  
Thank you.

"I love you..." I murmured to her, my face still buried in her hair. It was hard, to have her potent scent so close, but considering that I had been there as her scent weakened and then disappeared, I would gladly take this, no matter now hard it was.

Bella shifted, so I pulled a little bit away. She lifted her head so that her eyes met mine, and I smiled at the happiness glittering there.

"Thank you, Edward....thank you... I love you too....I'll always love you....now I get to love you forever...."

It reminded me of what Bella had said to me before she died.

_"I'll always love you"_

Atropos was right.  
This was right.  
This was real.  
I would change Bella.

And we would love each other...forever.

* * *

So, here's my first Twilight fanfiction. I'm currently working on one other story for Twilight which is on my forum (the link is in my profile) and I've got several other ideas for Twilight. If you read this, please tell me what you liked and maybe what you didn't like/constructive critism. Flames will be used to keep me warm during the winter and to roast some marshmallows. Yum!

Happy Valentine's Day, all!


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